My co-worker was marrying a Chinese woman and most of us at school were invited down to Dalian to attend. I was looking forward to sharing the moment with them and learning more about China while I was at it.
The trip had been prefaced by a number of events that are part of the modern Chinese wedding ritual. I say modern, but there are holdovers from the traditional approach to matrimony embedded in the current ceremony. Keep in mind that I do not have first-hand knowledge of what it’s like to marry in China. My observations are based on the stories I’ve heard and the glimpses I’ve gained as a bystander looking on.
In China once a couple decides that they’re going to tie the knot the first step is get the families’ blessing. In the case of a westerner marrying a Chinese woman, I guess only one family’s blessing need be sought. From what I hear the meeting of the groom-to-be with the bride-to-be’s family is combination grilling and drinking game. The man gets peppered with questions about his background, prospects, intentions, and general fitness to be in the courting role. While this is going on there is a simultaneous series of “gambais” which are the Chinese equivalent of bottoms up. This is done with the traditional Chinese liquor, baijiu.
After the successful suitor sobers up he and his intended begin on several steps in the wedding planning. One is the choice of an auspicious date. To do this various birthdates and numbers get mixed together and tumbled around until the most fortuitous one emerges. Nowadays computers provide a useful tool in crunching the bits of data that traditionally priests and fortunetellers were called upon to consider in their orb-gazing activities. Astrological and zodiacal information is the most critical in all this, but the fact that the Chinese use both the western and eastern/lunar calendars creates new wrinkles in these times.
Besides star-gazing, engaged couples also spend a lot of the pre-wedding time taking care of their wedding photo album’s demands. In China photographers cater to couples’ desire to have portraits taken in exotic locales while they are garbed in elaborate outfits. Most of the photo shoots take place in public places. Wherever there is a waterfall, temple, fancy building, colorful streetscape, or an in-any-way interesting backdrop, teams of photographers and couples with their respective assistants congregate and pose. The outfits range from Gone with the Wind vintage looks to 1950s Hollywood styles. Jackie and I live near a new building project called Tahiti. There we often see costumed couples posing by the life-size statues of an elephant family.
Once the wedding day arrives there are other customs and traditions to observe. Today we woke up to the sounds of firecrackers going off in front of an apartment block behind ours. When we went to the window to investigate we saw a begowned bride and suited groom standing in front of an arch of red balloons. There they handed some kind of gifts to the two pairs of parents waiting there. After some discussion all moved inside and proceeded to the top floor apartment. Later the couple emerged and piled into their decorated car and departed.
My colleague who got married in Dalian explained that, in his case, the wedding morning was spent performing symbolic acts demonstrating the changing family relationships and the hope that the new couple will have a fruitful union. First the groom must request admission to his in-laws home for himself and his accompanying family retinue. This meant that my friend had to negotiate and pay a price for entering the home. Once inside he had to serve tea to his new in-laws (they later served tea to him and his family). He also had to knock on his fiancé’s door and ask permission to enter from the bridesmaids assembled inside. There he found his bride in her gown but minus her shoes. He had to search for the new shoes, find them, and put them on her feet before leading her in her first steps.
Somewhere in this process the groom negotiated a payment from the father-in-law that coincidentally equaled the amount the groom had paid earlier. Then the groom and bride go to their new lodgings which had a door covered in red, the ever present color of good luck and fortune here in China. Inside they encounter a young boy who represents the promise of a son for the new couple. This is all before the actual wedding ceremony which takes place at a hotel or restaurant.
In Dalian our first glimpse of all the activities came at the restaurant (which was in a hotel). We were surprised to find that the dress code was much more relaxed than what we were used to. Many of the attendees were in jeans and t-shirts. The MC, a local TV personality, was in jeans and a striped t-shirt. After we signed the guest book and deposited our red envelopes that contained the traditional wedding gift cash, we went to our seats and waited. We were entertained by a slide show featuring the bride and groom together and apart, in shots taken recently and in the past.
The ceremony began with spotlights moving across the room. Other lighting effects gave the impression of green foliage flickering along the walls. The groomsmen and bridesmaids formed a receiving line with the groom at one end waiting for the bride. She made her entrance by descending a spiral staircase. There was very little in the way of vows in the ceremony, but the bride and groom performed symbolic acts—exchanging rings, lighting candles, pouring a wine cascade over a pyramid of glasses, and cutting cake. They also came to each table and toasted the guests with shots of baijiu, bringing the closure to a ceremonial event that began and ended with gambais.
*I tried to use my skills with Audacity to create a new version of the Love American Style theme song. My version was Love Zhonguo Style (“truer than the hong and huang-ang-ang,” “ for ni and wo”). But my skills were not up to my standards and you’ll just have to settle for the original here.
